Who are you at your core?
Who are you when no one's looking?
Who are you when you're all alone and you have no one. Who are you when it's just you. Just you and an open road ahead. Just you and a big dream on the brink of a horizon.
People always tell me that you are what you have.
As Americans, we live in the richest, most free country in the world. We have no idea what "poor" means. Even the poorest man in this country has some opportunities, especially now in this day and age. We have the luxury of clean and running water, indoor plumbing and even things like wifi- which we take for granted every single day.
If you're on the "richer" side of life, you have both of your arms. Both of your legs. All your toes, and all your fingers. You can see out of both your eyes, or you have working glasses or contacts that help you to see the birth of your first child, the beauty of a woman, movies, or even simple things like a sunset, crafted by the Ultimate Creator of all things beautiful.
Maybe you even have a car. Or a job. A college degree. A home. A dream to be "successful".
Maybe you are married. Maybe you're not. Maybe you're divorced. Maybe you've been brokenhearted. Maybe you're lonely.
What do you have? Who are you?
Lately I've been thinking about what is most important to me. What makes me happy. All that God has given me. Who am I. And what would I be if all of that was taken away.
What am I when no one else is around to encourage me, or take care of me. When it feels like there aren't any shoulders to lean on, and no one to laugh with. When it's just me and a puppy at my feet in the dark. We've all been there. We've all been lonely. Confused. Felt sorry for ourselves. Or compassionate for someone else. Cared too much, or not enough. Loved and lost, or decided not to love at all.
So what is it. What do you take pride in? What do you hold closest to your heart? What is important to you? What is it that drives you everyday and makes you wake up every morning?
And if those things were stripped away from you, what would be left? What would you have to lean on?
Would it be Jesus?
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
"Noah": Hollywood's Most Recent Derision of Christianity
From the talking rock monster angels to the beasts that were killed and eaten on the ark, Hollywood's new motion picture and derivative of one of the most famous Old Testament stories, Noah, is nothing short of a blasphemous joke on Christianity.
For the most part, I am not a fan of movies about Christianity or the Bible; one, because they're usually horribly depicted, and two because Christian directors and producers hire some of the worst actors out there. But when I first saw the trailer for Noah, I was instantly curious. Perhaps it was because growing up, the story of Noah and the ark was one of my favorite Bible stories, or because Emma Watson just happens to be one of my all time favorite actresses- (Russell Crowe isn't too bad himself).
Either way, probably like most Christians young and old, I wanted to see what spin Hollywood would take on this one particularly amazing Bible story.
I sat through the movie, most of the time on the edge of my seat, wondering what was going to happen next. It was somewhat thrilling and strangely enchanting in some scenes; it was an average story about a man built an ark to protect himself and his family from a storm. In the movie, Noah is portrayed as the man in control, an evil man at times who tells his family that they will bury each other once the storm is over because there cannot be any "sinfulness" in the new "Eden" and all of mankind must come to an end. But when Noah and his family are on the ark, Shem's lover, Eila, becomes pregnant. Noah makes a promise to the couple that he will kill the baby if it is a girl and the family develops a hatred for him and his two oldest sons even revise a plot to kill him. Of course, Eila gives birth to not just one, but twin baby girls, and Noah decides to disobey 'The Creator's' command to kill them and spares their little lives.
While watching the movie, I tolerated the talking rock monster angels who protected Noah and his family from Cain's distant relative and his army of meat-eating evil men.
I didn't mind the story line of how Eila became Shem's mate or even wise old Grandfather Methuselah's giving of the seed to Noah to help him grow a forest to build an ark. While some of this never happened in history, from a non-Christian's point of view it made the movie a little more interesting.
However, Hollywood crossed the line as soon as they made the two biggest characters in the story of Noah and the ark look like two heartless villains. For the majority of the movie, I found myself hating Noah, and worse, wondering who in the world 'The Creator' was and why he was allowing innocent people to die.
First of all, the Bible says Noah was a righteous man, and that he was chosen to build the ark because he refused to follow the wicked ways of the world. He loved God and he was faithful to Him.
Genesis 6:9b says, "Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time and he walked faithfully with God."
We are given the story of Noah and the ark in the Bible for many reasons, but in my opinion, the most important one is to recognize the importance of obedience. In those days, rain was unheard of, let alone a flood that was going to be big enough to kill every living thing on the planet. God commanded Noah to do something that was crazy to almost everyone around him, but Noah humbly obeyed the Lord anyway. Although he was a sinner, Noah was not evil, he was a patriarch; his faithful story was amazing enough to be recorded down in a book to be preserved for more than two thousand years. Noah was a good man, a man that God deemed as righteous, and an example for Christians to follow.
But Hollywood couldn't just stop there. God ('The Creator') had to be mocked too. You never see this mysterious creator and you never hear his voice in the movie. He doesn't answer to Noah when he prays to him. So for all we know as the audience is that the creator is probably number one, evil because he let innocent people be slaughtered by the flood and other ways and number two that he is not the controller of the universe because he allowed Noah to make most of the decisions as well as undermine him most of the time. The Creator quickly became the idiot.
To me it's not a coincidence that Noah was regarded as the mean girl in the movie and God was viewed as distant and unsympathetic towards mankind. Why wouldn't Hollywood do that? Why would they want to make God and an incredible Bible story look anything but good?
I always think that maybe these movies will help the cause of Christianity, not hurt it. Or perhaps if someone sees a movie like this, it will plant a seed in them which will cause them to desire to read God's Word.
Hollywood took the beautiful story of Noah and violently twisted it into a tragedy. It was like watching a fairy tale have an ending that wasn't "happily ever after" or seeing the bad guy win. It was taking the truth of the Gospel and turning it into something evil and diminishing.
It's not a happy film, it doesn't make you feel good. It doesn't teach you or inform you of any truth or "moral" to the story. It does nothing except for make our God look like a peon to millions of people who will sit in comfy seats at the movie theater for the next month and a half or so.
How sad that Hollywood has resorted to insulting God through Bible stories, which by the way, need no embellishments to be entertaining and enchanting and life-changing. How dare they take a sacred, biblical truth and turn it into heresy. How dare they take an Almighty God and display Him as evil.
Sheesh. If you're going to try to re-tell a story, why not tell it the way it was told?
For the most part, I am not a fan of movies about Christianity or the Bible; one, because they're usually horribly depicted, and two because Christian directors and producers hire some of the worst actors out there. But when I first saw the trailer for Noah, I was instantly curious. Perhaps it was because growing up, the story of Noah and the ark was one of my favorite Bible stories, or because Emma Watson just happens to be one of my all time favorite actresses- (Russell Crowe isn't too bad himself).
Either way, probably like most Christians young and old, I wanted to see what spin Hollywood would take on this one particularly amazing Bible story.
I sat through the movie, most of the time on the edge of my seat, wondering what was going to happen next. It was somewhat thrilling and strangely enchanting in some scenes; it was an average story about a man built an ark to protect himself and his family from a storm. In the movie, Noah is portrayed as the man in control, an evil man at times who tells his family that they will bury each other once the storm is over because there cannot be any "sinfulness" in the new "Eden" and all of mankind must come to an end. But when Noah and his family are on the ark, Shem's lover, Eila, becomes pregnant. Noah makes a promise to the couple that he will kill the baby if it is a girl and the family develops a hatred for him and his two oldest sons even revise a plot to kill him. Of course, Eila gives birth to not just one, but twin baby girls, and Noah decides to disobey 'The Creator's' command to kill them and spares their little lives.
While watching the movie, I tolerated the talking rock monster angels who protected Noah and his family from Cain's distant relative and his army of meat-eating evil men.
 |
| "Rock Monster" |
However, Hollywood crossed the line as soon as they made the two biggest characters in the story of Noah and the ark look like two heartless villains. For the majority of the movie, I found myself hating Noah, and worse, wondering who in the world 'The Creator' was and why he was allowing innocent people to die.
First of all, the Bible says Noah was a righteous man, and that he was chosen to build the ark because he refused to follow the wicked ways of the world. He loved God and he was faithful to Him.
Genesis 6:9b says, "Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time and he walked faithfully with God."
We are given the story of Noah and the ark in the Bible for many reasons, but in my opinion, the most important one is to recognize the importance of obedience. In those days, rain was unheard of, let alone a flood that was going to be big enough to kill every living thing on the planet. God commanded Noah to do something that was crazy to almost everyone around him, but Noah humbly obeyed the Lord anyway. Although he was a sinner, Noah was not evil, he was a patriarch; his faithful story was amazing enough to be recorded down in a book to be preserved for more than two thousand years. Noah was a good man, a man that God deemed as righteous, and an example for Christians to follow.
But Hollywood couldn't just stop there. God ('The Creator') had to be mocked too. You never see this mysterious creator and you never hear his voice in the movie. He doesn't answer to Noah when he prays to him. So for all we know as the audience is that the creator is probably number one, evil because he let innocent people be slaughtered by the flood and other ways and number two that he is not the controller of the universe because he allowed Noah to make most of the decisions as well as undermine him most of the time. The Creator quickly became the idiot.
To me it's not a coincidence that Noah was regarded as the mean girl in the movie and God was viewed as distant and unsympathetic towards mankind. Why wouldn't Hollywood do that? Why would they want to make God and an incredible Bible story look anything but good?
I always think that maybe these movies will help the cause of Christianity, not hurt it. Or perhaps if someone sees a movie like this, it will plant a seed in them which will cause them to desire to read God's Word.
Hollywood took the beautiful story of Noah and violently twisted it into a tragedy. It was like watching a fairy tale have an ending that wasn't "happily ever after" or seeing the bad guy win. It was taking the truth of the Gospel and turning it into something evil and diminishing.
It's not a happy film, it doesn't make you feel good. It doesn't teach you or inform you of any truth or "moral" to the story. It does nothing except for make our God look like a peon to millions of people who will sit in comfy seats at the movie theater for the next month and a half or so.
How sad that Hollywood has resorted to insulting God through Bible stories, which by the way, need no embellishments to be entertaining and enchanting and life-changing. How dare they take a sacred, biblical truth and turn it into heresy. How dare they take an Almighty God and display Him as evil.
Sheesh. If you're going to try to re-tell a story, why not tell it the way it was told?
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
What College Taught Me
To my parents- the two people who have sacrificed more than I could ever imagine to give me the best life and the best four years I could have ever had. I love you Mom and Dad.
People always say that your four years at college should be the greatest four years of your life, but if you would have told me four years ago what my college experience would be like, I would have never believed you.
Oh the last four years-- what a wild ride they've been. How much I've learned. How I've grown from a clueless, invincible 18-year-old into a confident, independent, young woman.
 |
| Freshmen Year |
College. What has it been like. What has it taught me.
When I think about college, I think of ridiculous math classes I had to take, and I remember silently cussing at my math book in the library when I couldn't figure out a problem. I think of all the blood, sweat and tears I spent staying up all night writing papers for English, studying the human body for biology class, speeches I gave that made the hair on my back stand up because I was so nervous to give them.
When I think about the last four years, I think of all the hardships I have gone through. My freshman year of college, I remember packing up all the baby pictures of my brother and I that my mom stored in a cabinet beneath the bookshelves my dad built in the little yellow house I grew up in. I remember thinking how my family would never spend another Christmas in that house and how upset I was that the bank was foreclosing it. I think back to my sophomore year when my dad didn't have very much work, and how I had to get a job working 30+ hours a week serving tables just to pay rent so I could go to school. I think about when I fell into depression, and I remember thinking of all the ways I could take my life. I remember hating God. I remember all the sleepless nights I spent weeping and praying after my boyfriend of two and a half years broke my heart. I remember how scared I was one summer night when I got a call that my brother's best friend had tried to commit suicide. I remember laying in a full size bed at my cousin's house with my three best friends in the world with a laptop, desperately trying to fall asleep to Jesus music at three in the morning after Faith died. I think back to last year when my parents made the decision to leave the church we have attended since I was 12 years old.
When I look back on the last four years, I remember all the good times. I remember the day I met my cousin Charles for the first time and wondering how I had lived the last 18 years without knowing him. I remember winning 1st place for having the best costume at an 80's ice skating competition.
 |
| Erica & I October 2010 |
I remember free-styling with my violin on stage with some random group of musicians to the Red Hot Chili Peppers at a little club downtown Lynchburg. I remember getting my first tattoo at the most ghetto tattoo shop I've ever seen in my life and not being able to walk on my foot for a week.
 |
| Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you always, I am your God, I hold you with my righteous hand" |
I remember peeing my pants from laughing so hard when Candace and I broke into the laundry mat after curfew just to rescue our clean clothes. I remember the spring break I spent in Miami with a group of friends and double dog daring them to go skinny dipping in the ocean after dark. I remember how excited I was when I adopted my six-month-old puppy from the Humane Society and the day I decided to name her after the bakery I always wanted to go to which was next door to my apartment.
 |
| Stella, 6 mons |
I remember feeling like a giddy little school girl after touching Jon Foreman's hand at a Switchfoot concert. I remember crashing a wedding with my best friend and dancing to country music all night with him under the most star-filled sky I've ever seen.
When I look back on my last four years at Liberty, I think of all the times I was discouraged or felt lonely; all the times I felt scared or hurt or broken. But then I remember. I remember every time I jumped just a little too low, every time I missed my chance, and every time I lost my temper- every time I lost a friend or failed a test, every time I felt guilty and powerless before God, He never failed to pick me up and take my hand. His love never failed to cover my sin, and His mercy never refused to forgive me.
Yes, college taught me trigonometry. It taught me reading and writing- it improved my thinking skills and gave me an idea of what a Christian worldview should be. It taught me how to follow a seating chart, and how to be responsible. College let me understand the definition of a "deadline" and "motivation".
But it doesn't stop there and college didn't just teach me how to be a television journalist.
College taught me how to love. College taught me how to forgive. College taught me about myself. College taught me how to be a hard worker. It taught me how to save money. It taught me how to survive on Ramen Noodles and chocolate milk. College taught me how to laugh and how to cry. It taught me I am weak and it taught me I am stronger than I think I am. College taught me not to be a planner- to go with the flow. College taught me that I love being independent, and I love my family more when I miss them. College taught me how to be humble. College showed me what I am capable of.
But most of all, college taught me that no matter what happens, no matter if your heart is broken or if it's pieced together with superglue, no matter who loves you, no matter who hates you, no matter if you're happy or sad, no matter if you're marked by your RA as the "rebellious one" or the "religious one", no matter if it's raining or shining, Jesus will never stop being faithful and His love will never run out.
College taught me to trust Him. I'm so thankful for that.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me, Your rod and staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Paralyzed: A Love Story
I kept looking at my phone every two minutes to make sure I knew what time it was. The sound of my fingernails clicking on my wooden desk echoed throughout the classroom. Everything my professor said seemed to go in one ear and out the other. All I wanted to do was get out of there . . . the only thing I wanted to do was run, and it really didn't matter where. All I wanted to do was escape. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. It was three thirty on a Friday afternoon and I couldn't believe I was still in class, or why.
"I want to show you a video explaining a why factor," she continued. "So many times we focus on what is at hand, that we lose sight of why we do what we do in the first place."
"I want to show you a short video," she said. Prof Miller's soft voice was making me sleepy.
"I want to show you a video explaining a why factor," she continued. "So many times we focus on what is at hand, that we lose sight of why we do what we do in the first place."
What a mouthful, I thought. She didn't seem to be making any sense and she couldn't have been more confusing. I didn't have anything better to do, I was still a prisoner of the classroom, so instead of falling asleep, I decided to pay attention to the video she was about to show.
"He's not a normal teacher. Everybody loves him." A boy about 16 years old began, "He's the epitome of what a great teacher should be like."
A man referred to as "Mr. Wright" was now on screen- and his arm was on fire. You see, Mr. Wright is a high school science teacher.
"I've been on my own since I was 15 years old. Mr. Wright knows that. He's someone I have been able to tell things to, I can trust him. And I know he cares about his students," a young girl said.
The camera was back on Mr. Wright and this time he was shooting a potato through a pipe across a field.
"I've heard everything from, 'Mr. Wright, I'm pregnant' to 'Mr. Wright, I ran away from home'. I've seen things most people don't even know go on in a young person's life. Some of these kids are just wanting to be loved on, they're different- and that's why one size doesn't fit all inside my classroom," the science teacher said.
I was already intrigued by Professor Pam's video, and I remenisiced about my high school days. Mr. Wright reminded me of my biology teacher I had my sophomore year. But I still couldn't find out what was so special about this guy. What was the underlying reason for his incredibly caring heart? He had a passion for reaching out to high school kids. So what. A lot of teachers do. That's why they're teachers. But I continued to watch.
The interview with Mr. Wright suddenly took a new angle when he began to talk about his family.
"I have two kids," he started. My daughter is 15 going on 25. She's your normal teenage girl, you know, she gets embarrased when I give her a kiss goodbye, and she thinks I am the world's dumbest dad. But I love her to pieces just like any father would," he went on, "And then there's Adam. I was so excited when I found out my wife was pregnant with a boy. It was like I had the best of both worlds. I couldn't wait to go to ball games and thow a football, you know, do men stuff with my son someday," he paused.
"But when Adam was born, he was breathing 180 times a minute. That's more than three times a second. Adam was born with a rare disease similar to cerebral palsy. The doctor told us he was completely blind, and he would never be able to control any muscle in his body. My son has a perfect mind. He can think and he has the ability to learn, but he cannot control the muscles in his body. Sometimes Adam punches himself so hard he bleeds. If he falls out of bed in the middle of the night and I'm not there to help him back up in bed, he'll lay flat on the floor all night long until morning."
It was so quiet in the classroom now that you would have been able to hear a pin drop.
"For a long time, I was pissed at God. I didn't undersand why He would give me a son who couldn't talk to me, who would never be able to stand on his own two feet by himself. I got so angry. . . until this one day when I walked in on my daughter sitting in her room with Adam propped up against the side of one of her dolls. I asked her what in the heck she was doing, and she simply replied, 'Playing with Adam, Daddy'. How was she playing with Adam when he couldn't even see her, I thought. And then I understood. My daughter was holding up a dollar bill and she was telling Adam to hit it. And he hit it every time. Every single time. . . which meant that Adam couldn't be blind. We decided to teach Adam sign language. And I'll never forget the day he signed this to me."
It was the weirdest thing, I had just learned the sign for "daddy" in sign language class the day before.
"It means, 'Daddy, I love you," Wright said, tears flowing down his cheeks as he continued to tell the story of his son for his students.
If I was holding back the tears before, I wasn't now.
The b-roll continued to show this man caring for his 12-year-old handicapped son. Changing his diapers, and feeding him. Loving him. It was a picture of a completely average man, loving his son in the most incredible way. And that's what broke me.
I finally understood why. I saw a glimpse of what unconditional love looks like- and I felt it. Here was a father who was given a son who could never tangibly repay him- who would never be able to throw a football, or wrestle, who would never be able to tell him all the ways he loved his dad.
I felt my chair sinking to floor. And I thought about all the ways Mr. Wright's story symbolized the story of the cross. How little I felt. How small and irresponsible I am. How many times I fail, but His blood still covers a multitude of sins. How paralyzed and worthless I am without His forgiveness. How the Lord doesn't need me for a second, but still, He loves me.
Sometimes, what it is we care for, or what we love isn't everything. It's why. Why do we love? Why do we forgive? Why do we do what we do? Is it because we're supposed to? Is it because we can gain something back from who or what we love or forgive?
Mr. Wright's story is something amazing. But how much greater is our Father's love for us?
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:22
"He's not a normal teacher. Everybody loves him." A boy about 16 years old began, "He's the epitome of what a great teacher should be like."
A man referred to as "Mr. Wright" was now on screen- and his arm was on fire. You see, Mr. Wright is a high school science teacher.
"I've been on my own since I was 15 years old. Mr. Wright knows that. He's someone I have been able to tell things to, I can trust him. And I know he cares about his students," a young girl said.
The camera was back on Mr. Wright and this time he was shooting a potato through a pipe across a field.
"I've heard everything from, 'Mr. Wright, I'm pregnant' to 'Mr. Wright, I ran away from home'. I've seen things most people don't even know go on in a young person's life. Some of these kids are just wanting to be loved on, they're different- and that's why one size doesn't fit all inside my classroom," the science teacher said.
I was already intrigued by Professor Pam's video, and I remenisiced about my high school days. Mr. Wright reminded me of my biology teacher I had my sophomore year. But I still couldn't find out what was so special about this guy. What was the underlying reason for his incredibly caring heart? He had a passion for reaching out to high school kids. So what. A lot of teachers do. That's why they're teachers. But I continued to watch.
The interview with Mr. Wright suddenly took a new angle when he began to talk about his family.
"I have two kids," he started. My daughter is 15 going on 25. She's your normal teenage girl, you know, she gets embarrased when I give her a kiss goodbye, and she thinks I am the world's dumbest dad. But I love her to pieces just like any father would," he went on, "And then there's Adam. I was so excited when I found out my wife was pregnant with a boy. It was like I had the best of both worlds. I couldn't wait to go to ball games and thow a football, you know, do men stuff with my son someday," he paused.
"But when Adam was born, he was breathing 180 times a minute. That's more than three times a second. Adam was born with a rare disease similar to cerebral palsy. The doctor told us he was completely blind, and he would never be able to control any muscle in his body. My son has a perfect mind. He can think and he has the ability to learn, but he cannot control the muscles in his body. Sometimes Adam punches himself so hard he bleeds. If he falls out of bed in the middle of the night and I'm not there to help him back up in bed, he'll lay flat on the floor all night long until morning."
It was so quiet in the classroom now that you would have been able to hear a pin drop.
"For a long time, I was pissed at God. I didn't undersand why He would give me a son who couldn't talk to me, who would never be able to stand on his own two feet by himself. I got so angry. . . until this one day when I walked in on my daughter sitting in her room with Adam propped up against the side of one of her dolls. I asked her what in the heck she was doing, and she simply replied, 'Playing with Adam, Daddy'. How was she playing with Adam when he couldn't even see her, I thought. And then I understood. My daughter was holding up a dollar bill and she was telling Adam to hit it. And he hit it every time. Every single time. . . which meant that Adam couldn't be blind. We decided to teach Adam sign language. And I'll never forget the day he signed this to me."
It was the weirdest thing, I had just learned the sign for "daddy" in sign language class the day before.
"It means, 'Daddy, I love you," Wright said, tears flowing down his cheeks as he continued to tell the story of his son for his students.
If I was holding back the tears before, I wasn't now.
The b-roll continued to show this man caring for his 12-year-old handicapped son. Changing his diapers, and feeding him. Loving him. It was a picture of a completely average man, loving his son in the most incredible way. And that's what broke me.
I finally understood why. I saw a glimpse of what unconditional love looks like- and I felt it. Here was a father who was given a son who could never tangibly repay him- who would never be able to throw a football, or wrestle, who would never be able to tell him all the ways he loved his dad.
I felt my chair sinking to floor. And I thought about all the ways Mr. Wright's story symbolized the story of the cross. How little I felt. How small and irresponsible I am. How many times I fail, but His blood still covers a multitude of sins. How paralyzed and worthless I am without His forgiveness. How the Lord doesn't need me for a second, but still, He loves me.
Sometimes, what it is we care for, or what we love isn't everything. It's why. Why do we love? Why do we forgive? Why do we do what we do? Is it because we're supposed to? Is it because we can gain something back from who or what we love or forgive?
Mr. Wright's story is something amazing. But how much greater is our Father's love for us?
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:22
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Nothing Has Changed
All I know now is it's been three months
Since we let the summer
Tell the story of us
And all that I've seen in the back of my head
Are your green eyes and your smile
And when I'll see them again
Oh I'll race you back to the good old days
When I used to deny
All the ways
I fell for you and as nights linger by
I miss your jokes
And your bow ties
I searched all over the world and couldn't find
Something wrong with you or reasons we couldn't try
So let's stay up late come sneak me out
Put Red on repeat
You know me better now
And let's find who we're supposed to be
It's gonna be different, you and me
There could be more to the song we sang
I'm still your "Little Bird"
And nothing's changed
Oh yeah and 'all I know since yesterday',
Oh since yesterday,
Nothing's changed
Let's go back to times last year
When you weren't so far
When you were here
Just come back home so we could pick up
Right where we left off
Let's figure out love
Come back to me, Sir, I'm still waiting to dance
I've waited so long
But we've still got a good chance
And if you've waited too, let's sing from our hearts
Let's finish our song
Yeah let's make it ours
Because . . .
I searched all over the world and couldn't find
Something wrong with you or reasons we couldn't try
So let's stay up late come sneak me out
Put Red on repeat
You know me better now
And let's find who we're supposed to be
It's gonna be different, you and me
There could be more to the song we sang
I'm still your "Little Bird"
And nothing's changed
Oh yeah and 'all I know since yesterday',
Oh since yesterday,
Nothing's changed.
When you weren't so far
When you were here
Just come back home so we could pick up
Right where we left off
Let's figure out love
Come back to me, Sir, I'm still waiting to dance
I've waited so long
But we've still got a good chance
And if you've waited too, let's sing from our hearts
Let's finish our song
Yeah let's make it ours
Because . . .
I searched all over the world and couldn't find
Something wrong with you or reasons we couldn't try
So let's stay up late come sneak me out
Put Red on repeat
You know me better now
And let's find who we're supposed to be
It's gonna be different, you and me
There could be more to the song we sang
I'm still your "Little Bird"
And nothing's changed
Oh yeah and 'all I know since yesterday',
Oh since yesterday,
Nothing's changed.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Learning to Love
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Malcolm X
I remember the girl I was only four short months ago. I remember feeling like God couldn't possibly understand my depression which stemmed from my circumstances, and thinking how He probably blocked out the angry prayers I yelled in the shower, or in the middle of the night at the Prayer Garden. I remember thinking things would never go back to being the same. I questioned the Lord's love for me so many times- and every time I questioned it, He just kept on making it more and more apparent in my life.
My parents always told me to follow my passions, and to stand up for what I believe in-- but it took me almost 21 years to figure out what I am truly passionate about.
Over the last few months, the Lord has taught me about the power of His amazing love and kindness. A little over four months ago, He shattered my whole world when he took away my biggest idol- and then only a few weeks later, he reminded me about the fragility and shortness of life when I witnessed the death of my 18-year-old dorm mate.
On the 30 hour bus trip down to Texas, I decided to read some old prayers written by a terrified, brokenhearted girl- the faithful, brokenhearted prayers I prayed while going through two of the darkest times in my entire life. Reading my old prayer journals is something I often do when I am discouraged to remind and to encourage myself of the Lord's faithfulness and overwhelming love.
I remember the girl I was only four short months ago. I remember feeling like God couldn't possibly understand my depression which stemmed from my circumstances, and thinking how He probably blocked out the angry prayers I yelled in the shower, or in the middle of the night at the Prayer Garden. I remember thinking things would never go back to being the same. I questioned the Lord's love for me so many times- and every time I questioned it, He just kept on making it more and more apparent in my life.
And while I've been in Texas, the Lord has been teaching me how to love people the same way He loves me. No one ever said that standing up for the truth would ever be easy. And loving people that hate that the Lord and the truth is something that I've always struggled with.
A few hours before the bill finally passed, LAN team and I went to capture some of the chaos which was happening inside the capitol.
The orange shirts, (pro-abortionists) carried signs which read things like, "pro-choice = pro-life", "Keep your rosaries off my ovaries", "My body, my choice" and "Wendy Davis is my hero". One girl with our group had the back of her shirt ripped by an angry protester, and another lady I interviewed had her things stolen by a mob of people in the overflow chamber. There were threats from the pro-abortionists that human feces and urine would be thrown at people in blue (more than 20 jars were found filled with waste at security) and one even reported a pro-abortionist carrying a semi-automatic rifle. Some orange were smoking- some were spitting and some were cursing at those dressed in blue silently praying and singing hymns. Inside the Senate gallery, women chained themselves to posts and sat down in front of the entrance to block the DPS as well as those inside the senate chambers - up to thirty were arrested and literally carried off the premises kicking and screaming, "Shame on you, shame on you!".
As I fearlessly held up my little video camera in the middle of this orange sea of protesters, ready to catch whatever nonsense may occur (dirty tampons being tossed at blue shirts, fights, etc) someone tapped me on the shoulder.
"Can I interview you, Miss?" A man in a suit holding a microphone and another one with a large video camera with a sticker on the side read ABC News, Channel 12. It was the one day I decided not to wear any makeup, my hair wasn't washed, and both of the sleeves of my oversized baby blue shirt were cleverly hemmed up with fire engine red duck tape which bore the word "LIFE" written in black sharpie. The bright light attached to the camera was blinding and I could feel my knees beginning to shake, but my adrenaline rush from the excitement and loudness of the crowd took away my nerves. Without any hesitation I yelled, "Yes!" and the anchor pointed his microphone at me.
"Sources are saying that the bill will be passed by the senate in a few hours," he paused, "So why are you still here?"
I tried desperately to drown out the noise in the background. What did he just say? I thought.
"Pardon?" I yelled back at the anchor. He repeated the question and this time I knew what my answer would be.
"We are undeserving of Your love," Michelle Duggar had prayed at the rally a few days ago. Those words had lingered in my heart all week.
There were more than a few times I almost lost my cool while standing in the middle of the orange sea, and the pro-aborts weren't the only ones I had resentment towards. One woman carried a large cross with a sculpture of the body of Jesus on the front and she was chanting, "Don't mess with Mother Mary, she will kick your a**." The day before, some blue shirts held large, graphic signs of aborted babies, screaming "Murderers go to Hell".
Why was I still here. Good question. We were 90% sure the bill was going to pass. So why was I still fighting for it? The answer was simple. I wasn't fighting for the life of the bill anymore. I had bigger reasons for being in the middle of the life-threatening mob in the Texas capitol.
Preventing the physical deaths of Texan women and children was all it took for me to jump on a bus and head to Austin. But it hit me like a thousand bricks when saw thousands of people whose eternal deaths I knew could never be prevented without the saving blood of Jesus.
Even though I was in Texas to show my support for physical life, I was constantly reminded by the Lord that displaying His unfailing, unconditional love to people who hate Him had to become my first priority.
Proverbs 3: 3-8 says, "Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
We won a political victory in Texas this week, but the Lord's blessings didn't stop there. I haven't slept very much in the past week, and spiritual warfare has been heavy but I have confidence that my God is good and that He has the power to save.
I've learned that He is in control- no matter how big or how small the enemy is, and His precious love has the power to overcome death in even the darkest of places.
"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:21-22
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| View from the second floor of the capitol rotunda |
A few hours before the bill finally passed, LAN team and I went to capture some of the chaos which was happening inside the capitol.
 |
| First floor inside the capitol rotunda |
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| DPS trying to break woman free after she chained herself to the Senate gallery railing |
As I fearlessly held up my little video camera in the middle of this orange sea of protesters, ready to catch whatever nonsense may occur (dirty tampons being tossed at blue shirts, fights, etc) someone tapped me on the shoulder.
"Can I interview you, Miss?" A man in a suit holding a microphone and another one with a large video camera with a sticker on the side read ABC News, Channel 12. It was the one day I decided not to wear any makeup, my hair wasn't washed, and both of the sleeves of my oversized baby blue shirt were cleverly hemmed up with fire engine red duck tape which bore the word "LIFE" written in black sharpie. The bright light attached to the camera was blinding and I could feel my knees beginning to shake, but my adrenaline rush from the excitement and loudness of the crowd took away my nerves. Without any hesitation I yelled, "Yes!" and the anchor pointed his microphone at me.
"Sources are saying that the bill will be passed by the senate in a few hours," he paused, "So why are you still here?"
I tried desperately to drown out the noise in the background. What did he just say? I thought.
"Pardon?" I yelled back at the anchor. He repeated the question and this time I knew what my answer would be.
"We are undeserving of Your love," Michelle Duggar had prayed at the rally a few days ago. Those words had lingered in my heart all week.
There were more than a few times I almost lost my cool while standing in the middle of the orange sea, and the pro-aborts weren't the only ones I had resentment towards. One woman carried a large cross with a sculpture of the body of Jesus on the front and she was chanting, "Don't mess with Mother Mary, she will kick your a**." The day before, some blue shirts held large, graphic signs of aborted babies, screaming "Murderers go to Hell".
Why was I still here. Good question. We were 90% sure the bill was going to pass. So why was I still fighting for it? The answer was simple. I wasn't fighting for the life of the bill anymore. I had bigger reasons for being in the middle of the life-threatening mob in the Texas capitol.
Preventing the physical deaths of Texan women and children was all it took for me to jump on a bus and head to Austin. But it hit me like a thousand bricks when saw thousands of people whose eternal deaths I knew could never be prevented without the saving blood of Jesus.
Even though I was in Texas to show my support for physical life, I was constantly reminded by the Lord that displaying His unfailing, unconditional love to people who hate Him had to become my first priority.
 |
| Students for Life praying outside a Planned Parenthood in Austin |
We won a political victory in Texas this week, but the Lord's blessings didn't stop there. I haven't slept very much in the past week, and spiritual warfare has been heavy but I have confidence that my God is good and that He has the power to save.
I've learned that He is in control- no matter how big or how small the enemy is, and His precious love has the power to overcome death in even the darkest of places.
"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:21-22
Monday, July 1, 2013
The Voice
It's one of those times, I've felt lost in this world
No one to listen, no voice to be heard
Losing valuable time, no power to learn
My head and my heart how they ache and they burn
These eyes have seen things too big for my dreams
I let go of my past, it's an immeasurable piece
Of the person I am, what they want me to see
And I can't even remember what I wanted to be
We were caught in a love held up for a time
We danced and we laughed, we kissed and we cried
I wanted to know, to see you as you are
I wondered if you could look past my scars
But- the voice deep in my soul desires to know
What do I love; where do I go?
I've been wandering alone now
Hope's lost, I'm too far now
Too far gone to remember my name.
No one to listen, no voice to be heard
Losing valuable time, no power to learn
My head and my heart how they ache and they burn
These eyes have seen things too big for my dreams
I let go of my past, it's an immeasurable piece
Of the person I am, what they want me to see
And I can't even remember what I wanted to be
We were caught in a love held up for a time
We danced and we laughed, we kissed and we cried
I wanted to know, to see you as you are
I wondered if you could look past my scars
But- the voice deep in my soul desires to know
What do I love; where do I go?
I've been wandering alone now
Hope's lost, I'm too far now
Too far gone to remember my name.
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