"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
Malcolm X
My parents always told me to follow my passions, and to stand up for what I believe in-- but it took me almost 21 years to figure out what I am truly passionate about.
Over the last few months, the Lord has taught me about the power of His amazing love and kindness. A little over four months ago, He shattered my whole world when he took away my biggest idol- and then only a few weeks later, he reminded me about the fragility and shortness of life when I witnessed the death of my 18-year-old dorm mate.
On the 30 hour bus trip down to Texas, I decided to read some old prayers written by a terrified, brokenhearted girl- the faithful, brokenhearted prayers I prayed while going through two of the darkest times in my entire life. Reading my old prayer journals is something I often do when I am discouraged to remind and to encourage myself of the Lord's faithfulness and overwhelming love.
I remember the girl I was only four short months ago. I remember feeling like God couldn't possibly understand my depression which stemmed from my circumstances, and thinking how He probably blocked out the angry prayers I yelled in the shower, or in the middle of the night at the Prayer Garden. I remember thinking things would never go back to being the same. I questioned the Lord's love for me so many times- and every time I questioned it, He just kept on making it more and more apparent in my life.
And while I've been in Texas, the Lord has been teaching me how to love people the same way He loves me. No one ever said that standing up for the truth would ever be easy. And loving people that hate that the Lord and the truth is something that I've always struggled with.
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| View from the second floor of the capitol rotunda |
A few hours before the bill finally passed, LAN team and I went to capture some of the chaos which was happening inside the capitol.
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| First floor inside the capitol rotunda |
The orange shirts, (pro-abortionists) carried signs which read things like, "pro-choice = pro-life", "Keep your rosaries off my ovaries", "My body, my choice" and "Wendy Davis is my hero". One girl with our group had the back of her shirt ripped by an angry protester, and another lady I interviewed had her things stolen by a mob of people in the overflow chamber. There were threats from the pro-abortionists that human feces and urine would be thrown at people in blue (more than 20 jars were found filled with waste at security) and one even reported a pro-abortionist carrying a semi-automatic rifle. Some orange were smoking- some were spitting and some were cursing at those dressed in blue silently praying and singing hymns. Inside the Senate gallery, women chained themselves to posts and sat down in front of the entrance to block the DPS as well as those inside the senate chambers - up to thirty were arrested and literally carried off the premises kicking and screaming, "Shame on you, shame on you!".
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| DPS trying to break woman free after she chained herself to the Senate gallery railing |
As I fearlessly held up my little video camera in the middle of this orange sea of protesters, ready to catch whatever nonsense may occur (dirty tampons being tossed at blue shirts, fights, etc) someone tapped me on the shoulder.
"Can I interview you, Miss?" A man in a suit holding a microphone and another one with a large video camera with a sticker on the side read
ABC News, Channel 12. It was the one day I decided not to wear any makeup, my hair wasn't washed, and both of the sleeves of my oversized baby blue shirt were cleverly hemmed up with fire engine red duck tape which bore the word "LIFE" written in black sharpie. The bright light attached to the camera was blinding and I could feel my knees beginning to shake, but my adrenaline rush from the excitement and loudness of the crowd took away my nerves. Without any hesitation I yelled, "Yes!" and the anchor pointed his microphone at me.
"Sources are saying that the bill will be passed by the senate in a few hours," he paused, "So why are you still here?"
I tried desperately to drown out the noise in the background.
What did he just say? I thought.
"Pardon?" I yelled back at the anchor. He repeated the question and this time I knew what my answer would be.
"We are undeserving of Your love," Michelle Duggar had prayed at the rally a few days ago. Those words had lingered in my heart all week.
There were more than a few times I almost lost my cool while standing in the middle of the orange sea, and the pro-aborts weren't the only ones I had resentment towards. One woman carried a large cross with a sculpture of the body of Jesus on the front and she was chanting, "Don't mess with Mother Mary, she will kick your a**." The day before, some blue shirts held large, graphic signs of aborted babies, screaming "Murderers go to Hell".
Why was I still here. Good question. We were 90% sure the bill was going to pass. So why was I still fighting for it? The answer was simple. I wasn't fighting for the life of the bill anymore. I had bigger reasons for being in the middle of the life-threatening mob in the Texas capitol.
Preventing the physical deaths of Texan women and children was all it took for me to jump on a bus and head to Austin. But it hit me like a thousand bricks when saw thousands of people whose eternal deaths I knew could never be prevented without the saving blood of Jesus.
Even though I was in Texas to show my support for physical life, I was constantly reminded by the Lord that displaying His unfailing, unconditional love to people who hate Him had to become my first priority.
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| Students for Life praying outside a Planned Parenthood in Austin |
Proverbs 3: 3-8 says, "
Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.
We won a political victory in Texas this week, but the Lord's blessings didn't stop there. I haven't slept very much in the past week, and spiritual warfare has been heavy but I have confidence that my God is good and that He has the power to save.
I've learned that He is in control- no matter how big or how small the enemy is, and His precious love has the power to overcome death in even the darkest of places.
"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end." Lamentations 3:21-22
